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Would any of you continue reading this story? ?

“Why do bad things always happen to me?” I thought with a puzzled expression as I stared at the television waiting for that big shiny ball to drop. All my friends were out partying with each other. Why shouldn’t they? It was New Years Eve. However, I was the girl, the girl with the exceptionally lame parents who forced her to spend New Year at her grandparent’s house, to have “family time”. That wasn’t exactly my idea of fun. “When do we get to go home?” I questioned with low hopes. At least at home I had the internet where I could do something. However, the answer I feared had come. “Yasmin, we are not going home until we see the ball drop, together, as a family.” She replied, adding extra emphasis on together and family. After her answer she went back to singing along with people on TV, which I personally thought ruined every song. I saw everyone on television counting down. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year!” Everyone hugged, screamed, and kissed. I on the other hand sat lonely on the couch without anyone, let alone my boyfriend to comfort me. The only bright spot of these few minutes was my friends who felt great pity of my being alone sent me texts saying happy new years. This way I got to exchange a few words with people who were normal. Well, not normal I guess, my friends were too unusual to be normal. I slugged my way to the car, thinking that if I waited there my family would follow my lead…they didn’t. Luckily Florida was the warmest place to spend winter, and all the snow birds took advantage of that. After 15 minutes my family entered the car. As my mother entered she sent me an evil glance that I immediately knew told me to not be in such a bad mood. I couldn’t help it though, my book that I wanted was sold out everywhere and I wasn’t hanging out with my friends. The drive home was a quiet one; all I could hear was the sound of my dad’s gospel music, which I personally did not enjoy. Well that's all I have so far, but I have several questions for those of you who stuck with reading the story. 1. Would you continue reading? 2. What things could I make better? 3. Where do you think the story is going? Constructive criticism is welcomed! -Thank you so much! Sorry when I said "3. Where do you think the story is going?" I meant to say "Where do you think the story should go?"

Public Comments

1. 1. Yes. 2. Introduce all characters more in depth, show dialogue, and sooner or later lead to a plot. 3. A "re-evaluation" in the characters life and a major change which leads to either tragedy or success.
2. Maybe you should be a little explanatory and not going from one subject to another.
3. Are you a teenager? It sounds very much like it was written from a teenager. It's not bad, but I probably wouldn't go on reading more. It doesn't sound like much of a plot is going to develop - it reminds me of a book like the clique series. It is just about a bunch of girl's lives. Not that that's a bad thing, but I would develop the plot and make it interesting. Hope this helps
4. You kind of lost me at "big shiny ball". That's a little too crude, something more subtle and detailed, please. 1. Maybe, probably not. 2. It's kind of cliched, more characters need to be introduced besides the main one, more detail, less ..... well, it just overall needs to be BETTER. 3. Nowhere, sorry. Not to be too critical, but in my honest opinion, right now it's lame, cliched, and not very exciting. There doesn't seem to be much in way of a plot at the moment.
5. 1. It's not boring but not not enough to hold my interest. Sounds like any other person. 2. Put more action into the scene. Jump right into the story. If there is no detail in that beginning that is crucial to the story or advances it then cut it out. That whole part could be replaced with one sentence like: "I was the only person I knew who was spending New Years Eve with their grandparents." (that sentence is kind of crappy but something like that) Then you can jump right into the story or plot. 3. I don't know where the story is going at this point but it sounds like another teen angst my-parents-ruin-my-life story with the sarcastic teen girl. It's not bad writing it's just a little dull. Put some life into your story. 'Rev up the engine, light the fire, shake n bake! Put me right into the action and make me beg for more!
6. 1.The first answer, is yes, and no. It seems a little funny, and a lot of teenagers would be able to relate to Yasmin, but where are we going with the story? It doesn't seem like a plot will happen. 2. Things that I would make better are -there should be some kind of meaning of this first incident. What does this problem have on the future? Because, that's how we decide of we want to keep reading. -another thing is you use the word, personally ALOT! It's a good word for everynow and then, but when you use it as you did, it kind of annoying! 3. I kind of don't know where the story is going to be honest. There story doesn't really have us thinking "ooh, i bet this is going to happen, i better read because I don't want to miss out on that" but the fact that there is already drama going on, leads me to the idea that more drama is going to happen! I think the story has a lot of potential, you just need to change those things! Good Luck!!
7. All I've read is some brooding teenager who doesn't want to spend New Year's with her family. It doesn't draw me in because there is NO CONFLICT! Therefore your "story" is not going anywhere. If you have to ask us where we think the story should go, you're not much of a writer. These are things you need to know in order to write a good story. It's your job as a writer to take US somewhere.
8. You don't know where the story is going? This is the fatal flaw of writing just to write. Your first question here is where's the main conflict and what is the main character going to do to resolve it? So far, the story implies the usual teen angst, but no serious issues to which the character needs to solve. The writing style however is good. Sentences flow nicely, and the ideas are illustrated well. There's much potential here. Keep at it.