Latest Television

What do you think of this story so far? Please be critical.?

Breathing in the musty air of his laboratory he sat back down and returned to his work. He had to pay the bills and his grant money was almost gone. “How did I get a grant in the first place?” he wondered aloud. “It must have been a pity grant,” he answered, looking around at the refuse that covered the floor of the lab. “They give pity grants don't they?” “Well of course they do.” Again he answered his own question. “It is just like a pity date.” He began to grow tired of talking to himself (he was his only company lately, so this wasn't an isolated incident). He had to make some new discovery to be granted any more money to live on. He had been researching boring things since he had graduated, and he was sick of publishing essays with titles like “The Nocturnal Life of Amoeba” and “Genetically Modified Corn: Delicious Dinner or Masked Killer.” He really needed to sleep. With dreary steps, he walked to his bedroom and laid himself down. The bumps that covered his ceiling were like taunts written in braille. They were telling him that he should be up; he should be writing boring essays about his boring findings to submit to the National Science Foundation to get more grant money. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Sleep would have to wait. As he got back to his desk he noticed the large stack of lap reports that sat next to his computer. He picked up the top few sheets and skimmed through the his most recent labs. Why was everything that he did so boring? Nothing in this stack was even moderately interesting compared to some of the other events going on in the science community. “Maybe I should just give up!” he announced while running his hand through his hair. “Why should I even joke like that? I have nothing to give up.” Needing to clear his mind, the biologist stumbled out of his apartment. He walked down the stairs and onto the street. When he started walking he had no intention of going anywhere, but he soon found himself in a restaurant, and he took a seat at the bar. -:- Sitting back in her office chair, the author rubbed her temples. She wasn't getting anywhere with her newest novel. It was going to be just another generic mystery novel if she didn't come up with any new ideas soon. She stood up. Without any ideas to work with she flipped the television on. “Do you need help making your payments?” asked the overly charming man on the screen. “Pff, of course I do, who doesn't?” “Well then call us today to get a loan with interest as low as 6.77%!” “Oh really? Too bad I wouldn't make enough money to pay back the loan. Ever,” she snarled. She quickly became sick of the advertisement and changed the channel. “. . . but Debbie always gets to go-” She shut the annoying box off and returned to her desk. What can I write? The computer is blank, and so is my mind. I hate this! I am scheduled to have this done in three weeks! That is never going to happen. That is never going to happen. That is never going to happen. What can I do? Everything that I am writing is boring, and none of it is good enough to get published. My last book, The Holy Spirit, The Human Spirit, The Whole Shebang was so good! Why can't I capture some of that this time around? Her mind was racing when she found herself at the refrigerator. There was no food there, nor was there any in the cupboard. Anxiously she picked at her sleeve. I am starving. I need to head to the store and pick up some food. I have to meet the publisher in an hour at a restaurant down town; I can wait to eat until then. She walked out onto the sidewalk. She began to walk hands constantly plucking away at the sleeves of her sweater. When she entered the restaurant she took a seat at the bar next to a man with oddly disheveled hair. “I need to get that grant,” the man said to nobody in particular. “What do you mean?” she asked while giving him a skeptic look. “Hmm?” He looked at her. “Oh yes, yes. I need to get another grant to live on. I am a biologist you see, though not a very successful one. I have recently been asking myself if the first grant was one that I received out of sheer pity.” “Oh,” she said before ordering a drink and continuing their conversation. -:- Laying down his finished copy of Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five, the boy sighed. There was no greater feeling in the world than finishing a good book. Now that the school year had finished he could read whatever he wanted with all of his free time. He wiped his glasses on his t-shirt. Unlocking the brakes on his wheelchair, he wheeled himself into the kitchen to get a drink. Science fiction and fantasy stories flooded the boys head most of the day, even when he wasn't absorbed in a book. On his way to the kitchen he glanced toward his bookshelves. They were packed full with names like Tolkien, Orwell, and Adams. He adored each and every one of them. He never we

Public Comments

1. this is interesting and well written, relative to a lot of the stuff put on here. however, for the first part it gets repetitive with each sentence saying "he" blah blah blah. maybe interchange "he" with "the biologist" or other descriptive titles because he seems to lack a name. I think for the first and second part the dialogue where each character talks to them self is a bit awkward and unnatural sounding, the flow isn't as good as the narrative flow. try to use more complex sentences, i understand the need to break up longer sentences with shorter ones but you could make the longer ones longer, like more descriptive but in the "show not tell" way of course. it's obvious how the first two stories coincide but not so much with the last one. it's hard to tell whether this is the beginning of the piece of writing or not; i just hope that the arbitrary nature of each section is concluded with some kind of connecting resolution at some point. well, it's overall good writing and fairly interesting, just try not to get bogged down by details and maybe work on creating more of a mood or atmosphere in each scenario, perhaps to contrast one another. hope this helps!